Sorry for the gloomy journal post a couple of days ago; I was in a mood. Fortunately, those ultra-depressed moods aren't -nearly- as deep and serious as they used to be. ^_^

That being said, even though I wouldn't trade my Beloved for ANYTHING, I have bouts of "home sickness" where I miss my China life, or just miss travelling and being in a foreign Asian country period. When I get in these bouts, -everything- seems dull and gray [though that may have been due more to the weather, since it -has- been dull and gray nearly all week]. Then the work day ends, I go to my stable home, complete with our hyper-active mutt Yuna [yes, she's named after -THAT- Yuna, the one from FF X], and I realize how much happier I am now than I was back then.

Ah, nostalgia gets me sometimes though; for some reason, I have it in my head that if I had just been more mature like I am now, or had had Paxil in my life like I do now, or had had my Beloved, or had fully realized and grown into my Goth side, or done or had a gazillion different other things back then, then maybe things would have gone a little smoother and I wouldn't have felt so unhappy.

Worse yet, I have it in my head that, somehow and someway, I need to go back for yet another year and PROVE that I can "do it right". That's screwy, I know, but I'm a screwy kind of gal. XD

I'm not sure that will ever happen, though; while I'm quite sure that my Beloved would willingly follow me to the ends of the earth for vacation or travelling purposes, I doubt he'd be too keen on going to live overseas for any length of time.

But, then again, things can change, and thus far, this love has been an -amazing- adventure. My only regret in it is that we didn't meet ten years sooner.

These were the kinds of thoughts that ran through my head on Tuesday, and were seriously bringing me down.

Also, I was incredibly tired from not getting much rest the night before, and that -always- puts me in a less-than-ecstatic mood. Yay for insomnia! x_x;;;

~Lady Tam~